So it just happened...
just now....not 10 minutes ago.
I dropped Abby off at preschool.
I am home alone.
All these years... all the plans I had made when I was finally able to do what I want....and now all I can do is watch the clock and see if I can go pick her up yet. It's only a two hour class, 3 days a week. She has been so excited all week. She asked me 5 or 6 times a day " Can we talk about my preschool?". Then came today, her "Special" Day. All day long she has been telling me stories of 'a happy little girl who had so much fun at her new school' and singing songs entitled "Today is Abby's special day" and "Today is my preschool Day". We even said a little prayer in which she asked Heavenly Father to "bless Abby that she will have a very fun day". We went to the school early and waited a while for the teachers to come out to greet the children. She gave me a big hug and ran right in to start popping bubbles. I called to her a few times but couldn't get her attention, she finally saw me and humored me with one more hug and a gorgeous smile. I turned to go, finding it extremely hard to leave, when suddenly it happened, a little piece of my heart broke. I have no more babies. I had planned to feel exhilarated and excited at my new found free time but instead all I feel is heartache.
Silly me.
I am excited for her, she is SO ready to learn, so advanced for her age. She will love every minute of it. It is time for Mom to let go. To let the baby be the little girl. I know I will be okay, in fact, I am already lined up to go help in Emma's class next week while Abby's at school. I just really was caught off guard when tears burst into my eyes as I pulled away from the school. I am not a bawler...but today I feel like it. My baby is gone....and in her place is a amazing, intelligent, sweet, kind little girl who I am very proud of today.
just now....not 10 minutes ago.
I dropped Abby off at preschool.
I am home alone.
All these years... all the plans I had made when I was finally able to do what I want....and now all I can do is watch the clock and see if I can go pick her up yet. It's only a two hour class, 3 days a week. She has been so excited all week. She asked me 5 or 6 times a day " Can we talk about my preschool?". Then came today, her "Special" Day. All day long she has been telling me stories of 'a happy little girl who had so much fun at her new school' and singing songs entitled "Today is Abby's special day" and "Today is my preschool Day". We even said a little prayer in which she asked Heavenly Father to "bless Abby that she will have a very fun day". We went to the school early and waited a while for the teachers to come out to greet the children. She gave me a big hug and ran right in to start popping bubbles. I called to her a few times but couldn't get her attention, she finally saw me and humored me with one more hug and a gorgeous smile. I turned to go, finding it extremely hard to leave, when suddenly it happened, a little piece of my heart broke. I have no more babies. I had planned to feel exhilarated and excited at my new found free time but instead all I feel is heartache.
Silly me.
I am excited for her, she is SO ready to learn, so advanced for her age. She will love every minute of it. It is time for Mom to let go. To let the baby be the little girl. I know I will be okay, in fact, I am already lined up to go help in Emma's class next week while Abby's at school. I just really was caught off guard when tears burst into my eyes as I pulled away from the school. I am not a bawler...but today I feel like it. My baby is gone....and in her place is a amazing, intelligent, sweet, kind little girl who I am very proud of today.
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2 comments:
Oh... Such a sad & exciting blog all at the same time! Now you'll have to blog, craft, coupon-shop, etc during your 6hrs alone each week. :)
PS- Love your new blog and I'm so excited to be able to keep in touch with you better through it! Yay... I'll have to show my mom or maybe you should e-mail it to her. Love you and talk to you soon!
Abby is such a sweet little girl. When I picked her up after school I told her that I missed her so much! She said that I 'need to be brave'. And today when we started talking about her riding the bus for the first time, she told me I should 'take the sad thoughts out of my heart and put happy ones in there instead'. She is so wise. She also said she was going to cry happy tears today when she was riding the bus. My sweetheart.
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